I am lucky to have a whole room to myself.

It’s my home office, but it’s also where I paint, sew, and do hand embroidery.

Over time, one closet slowly filled with sewing supplies and unfinished projects until my sewing machine and serger no longer fit inside.

A few months ago, I connected with Ann, from .

She invited me onto her podcast, where we had a wonderful conversation about connection in parenting and the role it plays in both our work.

Afterward, she offered me a consultation to organize that overflowing closet.

Knowing what to do isn’t enough

I’ve spent the past seven years gradually decluttering and organizing my home using the KonMari method.

I know how to create systems that are practical and easy to maintain.

And yet, organizing always ends up at the bottom of my to-do list, patiently waiting for “someday.”

During our call, Ann looked at photos of my closet and asked thoughtful questions about how I actually use the space.

One of her suggestions was to store my fabric upright, so I can remove one piece without creating a mess. She also suggested raising the back row slightly higher than the front, making everything visible at a glance.

These small adjustments create a system that won’t fall apart the first time I use it.

But what helped me even more than the practical advice was the connection.

I felt understood and safe, and my nervous system relaxed.

For the first time in my life, I could talk to someone about a disorganized space without worrying that I’d be judged for my shortcomings.

When the call ended, I couldn’t wait to get started.

The hidden cost of clutter

Organizing a cupboard full of things I use occasionally doesn’t feel urgent.

So I kept putting it off.

It’s easy to ignore clutter when it’s hidden behind a closed door.

But every time I postponed it, I reinforced the feeling that I’m the type of person who doesn’t resolve problems.

It affected my mood, my energy, and the way I see myself.

The relief came before the closet was finished

A few weeks ago, one of Ann’s posts inspired me to organize my towel closet and add a small decorative item to fill the empty space.

While my son was at school, I borrowed one of his stuffed animals. I felt slightly guilty, but I reminded myself that sometimes it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Later, he generously agreed to let it stay.

It’s a small, playful detail that reminds me that even an ordinary linen cupboard can lift my mood.

That small success gave me the confidence to finally tackle my sewing closet, which was admittedly a much larger and more intimidating project.

The moment I opened the closet and started taking things out, I felt a sense of relief.

That’s when I realized how much mental energy I had been spending pretending it wasn’t important.

Even before I finished, I felt lighter because I was finally moving forward.

The story I’d been telling myself

As a child, I was judged harshly for my messy room.

It really was a disaster, and my parents had every reason to be frustrated.

Whenever people came over, I would shove things into overflowing drawers so no one would see.

It became a badge of honor.

But in truth, I always found it hard to concentrate or relax around clutter.

It wasn’t a choice. It was something I tolerated because I didn’t know how to change it.

This project began because I wanted to fit my sewing machines inside the closet and protect them from the dust.

But the benefits go far beyond having an organized closet.

Ann helped me realize I’m not a messy person.

I’m someone who sometimes procrastinates organizing because it feels demanding or less urgent than other things.

But I’m also someone who enjoys learning, improving, and taking action.


The fear of what other people might think was never a strong enough reason to fully organize my space.

This time, I wanted to create a peaceful, functional space that brings me joy because I deserve to experience that every day.

And here’s the biggest surprise of all.

I had a lot of fun doing it.

About Ann Dooley

Ann is a connection-first home organizer who helps parents organize with their children, not for them.

She guides families to develop internal motivation to tackle the clutter, and provides access to her nearly a decade of experience troubleshooting organizing and parenting challenges.

In one brief virtual consultation, she helped me tackle something I'd been avoiding for far too long and reminded me that I was capable of creating a home that feels peaceful and functional.

Ann offers a free consultation, because relief is within reach, and sometimes you just need someone to show you the way.

➡️Here’s a link to Ann’s publication:

This is the post that inspired me to transform my towel closet:
Gallery: Five Drawers Worth Opening

One of the things I’ve discovered is that storytelling makes organizing feel less like a chore and more like a shared adventure.

These stories help children care for their space without pressure or judgment.

• Sissy The Cat And The Toys Who Were Bored

• Jojo and the Night Wizzy Lost His Helpers

• Livy and the Dress That Needed Space (collaboration with Dooley Noted)

You can also explore my full Tidying With Children series.

Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

Anger is an automatic reaction when we feel threatened, disrespected, or powerless to change a situation.

Everything we do in response to anger is an attempt to gain back that sense of power and control.

In Three Unhealthy Ways We Respond to Anger, we explored how we create the illusion of control by overpowering other people or pretending we don’t care.

One of the main reasons we get stuck in unhealthy reactions to anger is that we become confused about what is within our control and what isn’t.

▸Things we can control include our actions, choices, habits, and values.

▸Things we can’t control include other people’s choices and behavior, external outcomes, and what happened in the past.

When we focus on things outside our control, we feel frustrated and powerless.

At first, bringing the focus back to ourselves will feel uncomfortable.

But it’s also empowering because it allows us to intentionally choose from the options available to us.

Option 1: Resolve what can be resolved

We can’t control other people’s choices, but we can increase the chances of a positive outcome through our own actions.

Here are some useful ways to do that.

➡️ Be Intentional

Know what you want to achieve, define and plan your goals, instead of passively reacting to whatever situation you find yourself in.

➡️ Develop Skills

The gap between where we are and where we want to be comes down to skills. As we become more capable and resourceful, we resolve situations more easily.

➡️ Set Limits

A limit is a decision about what we will and will not accept, along with how we will respond if that limit is crossed.

Unlike controlling someone else’s behavior, setting limits is fully within our control, even when that means walking away from a situation or relationship.

➡️ Seek Alignment

Openly discussing priorities, expectations, and goals helps people find common ground, cooperate, and create shared solutions.

➡️ Heal the Past

Sometimes unresolved conflicts and past experiences distort how we see the present.

Instead of responding to the situation in front of us, we end up reacting to old wounds.

➡️ Invest in Connection

When people feel valued and understood, they are more willing to listen, cooperate, and look for solutions.

Strong relationships make challenges easier to navigate.

Option 2: Remove yourself from the situation

Sometimes we do everything we can to resolve a situation, but the factors outside our control don’t change.

The other person may be unwilling to cooperate, resistant to change, or simply want something different from what we do.

In those cases, removing ourselves from the source of tension may be the best option.

This doesn’t always mean ending the relationship.

I have a friend who realized that working with her husband was creating constant tension. As business partners, they weren’t a good fit. As a couple, they were great together.

Eventually, she ended the professional partnership and remained happily married.

In other situations, creating distance isn’t enough.

If someone repeatedly shows they are unwilling to change, if the pace of change is far slower than we are willing to accept, or if their behavior is harmful, removing ourselves completely may be the healthiest choice.

Option 3: Accept the situation and let go of the need to change it

Sometimes, it makes more sense to accept things as they are rather than trying to change them.

When someone is going through a particularly difficult time, we may choose to overlook behavior that would normally bother us. Strong relationships built on mutual respect leave room for this kind of grace.

We may choose to forgive things that happened in the past and cannot be changed. Forgiveness allows us to move forward without being weighed down by resentment.

I know this because I spent most of my life confusing the two.

I suppress anger because I’m afraid of conflict, rejection, being abandoned, or being alone.

Releasing anger, on the other hand, comes from a place of wisdom and maturity.

It requires me to be honest about my needs and limitations and to intentionally decide how I want to move forward.

That’s why I believe most of us need to first develop skills like effective communication, ethical negotiation, seeking alignment, and having difficult conversations.

As we become more assertive and confident in our ability to handle conflict, we can trust that our decision to release anger is genuine rather than avoidance in disguise.

One final caveat about forgiveness:
It doesn’t necessarily mean giving someone a second chance.

My mother is the most forgiving person I know. It’s the quality I admire most about her.

For many years, I tried to be more like her, and the consequences were disastrous.

Eventually, I realized that I can release my anger about the past and still decide that someone is no longer welcome in my life.

Most real-life situations involve a combination of these options.

▸ We work to resolve whatever is within our control.

▸ For everything else, we either create distance, accept things as they are, or make the situation irrelevant to our lives.

The first challenge is to pay attention and understand the message.

The second challenge is to respond to that message with intention and wisdom.

When we do, anger stops being something we need to fear or suppress.

Instead, it becomes a guide that helps us make better decisions and move closer to the life we want to create.

In The Three Unhealthy Ways We Respond to Anger, we explored three common reactions to anger that damage trust and create conflict.

In this post, you’ll find a structured framework to help you recognize these patterns in yourself and understand where they may be creating tension in your relationships.

Aggressive behavior includes:

• Physical actions such as hitting, pushing, throwing things, or making threats.

• Yelling, criticism, insults, forcefulness, or repeating the same point until the other person gives in.

• Insisting that others agree with our point of view and do things our way.

✍🏼 Reflect on the questions below

1. Which openly aggressive behaviors do you recognize in yourself?

2. Can you think of a situation where you behaved this way?

3. What happened as a result?

Read more

I grew up in a family where anger and aggression were considered synonymous.

It took me years to realize that anger is a feeling, while aggression is a way of reacting to it.

Why Do We Feel Angry?

Anger is an automatic reaction when we feel threatened, disrespected, frustrated, or powerless.

Whether the threat is real or simply our perception of the situation, it feels real in the moment.

Sometimes anger feels so intense that we believe we have no control over how we respond.

Yet we always have a choice.

Some of the choices we make break trust and hurt our relationships, while others strengthen them.

In this post, we’ll look at three common reactions that damage connection and make conflict harder to resolve.

Option #1: Being aggressive

Aggressive behavior is an attempt to overpower another person so they do what we want.

This can look like:

• Physical actions such as hitting, pushing, throwing things, or making threats.

• Yelling, criticism, insults, forcefulness, or repeating the same point until the other person gives in.

• Insisting that others agree with our point of view and do things our way.

When my father behaved this way, he usually got what he wanted because we were afraid of what might happen if we didn’t.

He always regretted his outbursts, but he never found a way to control them.

My father was intelligent, capable, and had many positive qualities. We loved him and wanted to spend time with him. But because we were always afraid he might explode over some minor detail, our interactions were strained, and he never had access to our honest thoughts and feelings.

Overpowering others may work in the short term.

The long-term consequences, however, are devastating.

Option #2: Being passive-aggressive

Some people don’t want to deal with the consequences of open aggression, so they express their anger more subtly.

This can look like:

• Staying silent or being evasive during important conversations.

• Making promises they don’t intend to keep.

• Forgetting, being unreliable, or refusing to cooperate.

• Behaving one way in front of people while complaining about them behind their backs.

• Making disrespectful comments disguised as jokes or innocent observations.

Because these behaviors appear passive and non-threatening, they can be difficult to identify and address.

That often makes them surprisingly effective.

But the long-term consequences are much the same.

Trust begins to erode. Other people learn to suppress their emotions, walk on eggshells, or leave the relationship altogether.

Option #3: Suppressing anger

After witnessing the damage caused by aggression, some people conclude that anger itself is dangerous.

So they do everything they can to avoid feeling it.

This can look like:

• Avoiding conversations about their feelings, needs, or desire for support.

• Pretending everything is fine when something hurts them.

• Going along with other people’s choices or opinions, even when they disagree.

• Doing their best to be pleasant, useful, or invisible so they don’t attract attention.

• Assuming they are responsible for keeping other people happy and calm.

But avoiding anger doesn’t make it disappear.

It may postpone the problem for a while, but unresolved issues continue to create pressure beneath the surface.

For much of my life, this was how I dealt with anger.

I distracted myself and tried not to think about them.

But the pressure kept building.

Eventually, it would become unbearable, and I would have an outburst.

Then I would feel guilty and renew my determination to avoid anger completely.

Why Do We Choose These Unhealthy Reactions?

These three options have something in common.

They create the illusion of control in situations where, deep down, we feel powerless.

When we repeatedly witness these patterns growing up, we come to expect conflict, rejection, or misunderstanding in our relationships. We assume that people won’t take us seriously unless we somehow force the issue.

So we try to regain control by becoming forceful, uncooperative, or pretending we don’t care.

The methods are different, but they all come from a sense of powerlessness and an inability to address conflict in a healthy way.

None of these options lead to peace, fulfilling relationships, or practical solutions.

Fortunately, they aren’t our only options.

In the next part of this series, I'll explore healthier alternatives and the approach that helped me break this cycle.

Other posts about anger:

I Thought Avoiding Emotions Would Make Me Strong

What a Children’s Book Taught Me About Anger

Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

In What Children Need When They Feel Scared, I shared the techniques I use to help my son move through fear.

In this post, I’m including practical tools you can use with your child.

➡️ A series of questions that help children move through fear.

This is a simplified version of the framework I use for adults. If you’d like to explore your own fears more deeply, you’ll find the adult framework here.

➡️ A worksheet that guides children through these questions. Children can write or draw their answers, whichever feels more natural. The worksheet is designed for ages 6–11.

➡️ A story template that helps you create a children’s story tailored to your child’s specific fear.

Read more

When my son was four months old, my husband decided to take him to swimming lessons.

They spent an hour in the water bonding and playing, and I loved watching them through the window. They were having the time of their lives, but unfortunately, my son wasn’t really learning how to swim.

I assumed he would eventually get there, but the process felt too slow.

When he was three, while staying at a hotel, I noticed he was afraid to jump into the pool, even though I was there waiting to catch him. So I decided to take matters into my own hands and teach him myself.

By the time we came home, he was swimming.

If you want to help your child overcome fear, here are a few things that helped me.

Acknowledge the fear without rushing to fix it

Some fears may appear completely unrealistic or exaggerated.

But underneath that fear, there may be something deeper, like feeling abandoned or not knowing how to cope.

When we give children space to talk without immediately rushing to fix everything, we show them that it’s safe to share, explore options, and ask for support.

Start conversations while drawing or playing

Children don’t always talk about their fears.

My son never told me he was afraid of monsters at a time when I could have done something about it. I only found out years later, after the fear had already passed.

Talking about your child’s drawings or playing with stuffed animals that share difficult feelings is a gentle, indirect way to glimpse your child’s inner world.

Stories about overcoming fear

You can read stories related to your child’s specific fear or any story that encourages courage and growth.

I currently have two stories:

• Bobby the Bear and the Nighttime Whispers is about feeling scared and alone at night

• Banno and The Big Blue River by is about the fear of swimming

You can also tell stories from your own childhood, from people you know, or create imaginative stories together.

If you’d like to practice creating stories adapted to your child’s life, you can follow the Storytelling Challenge for Calmer Bedtimes.

Shame, judgment, and labels delay progress

As a child, I judged myself harshly and felt embarrassed.

So I never talked about my struggles or asked for support, and brought most of my childhood fears into adulthood.

Sometimes, the judgment and labels come from other people.
“You’re not a baby.”
“Boys aren’t afraid.”
Even well-intentioned comments can turn into limiting beliefs.

I made a choice early on to directly address comments I don’t agree with.

Someone once told my son that Santa Claus only visits children who are “good.”

I immediately looked at my son and, with the calmest and most confident voice I could manage, assured him that Santa Claus loved all children no matter what.

The other person insisted, but I kept looking at my son, and he kept looking at me. It was just noise.

As a not-yet-fully-recovered people pleaser, I found that hard.

It comes easier now, and in the unlikely event that someone keeps pushing, an innocent “Why?” quickly ends the conversation.

Even when I miss the moment, there is always time to revisit the conversation later when I’m alone with my son.

Reframe fear as an opportunity

Challenges create opportunities for connection, trust, and growth.

When we focus on the long-term relationship we are building, it’s easier to stay patient and supportive.

Break everything into very small steps

Before my son could swim, he couldn’t even imagine crossing the pool on his own.

He first needed to feel certain I would be there to hold him, so I held him tightly around the waist while he jumped.
After a few jumps, I started holding his hands instead.
Then I encouraged him to jump on his own, and caught him immediately when he fell into the water.

The next step was to wait a couple of seconds before catching him.
Then a couple more.
After that, I moved a little farther away, so he needed to make a few movements to reach me.

Eventually, I was far enough that he needed to swim toward me on his own.
And that’s when he realized he could float.

Going step by step helped him feel safe. With each step, he built more confidence, and the next step felt easier to take.

Little by little, I removed the scaffolding, and he became more independent.

The delicate balance between encouragement and pressure

One thing I remember from my childhood is my parents insisting I speak to other people.

They couldn’t relate to my extreme shyness, and they assumed their encouragement would be enough for me to do it.

But instead of feeling supported, I felt pressured and judged, even though that was never their intention.

I quickly realized that pretending I didn’t want to talk to people would end the conversation. There was nothing left for them to say after that.

Their insistence felt like pressure because I didn’t have any practical support.

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A strong connection creates trust and safety

A strong relationship is built through repeated moments of connection and support.

When your child trusts that you will always be there, courage and growth become easier.

Model overcoming fear yourself

When I decided to start writing on Substack, I had many fears to overcome.

I’ve been sharing that process with my son.

I tell him about my fears, where they come from, and how they’ve affected my life. I show him how I break things into small steps so they don’t feel overwhelming. I show him how I reframe old limiting beliefs into more empowering ones.

I also celebrate my successes.

The inspiring comments from people who find value in what I write.
The exciting collaborations that only became possible after I took a few steps outside my comfort zone.

I do this to inspire him and to show him that growth never ends.

But I’ve also realized that celebrating with a child is the best kind of celebration.
It feels more intense and meaningful.

Choose a repeatable phrase or mantra

A few years ago, my son and I were inspired by Tony Robbins to choose a phrase that would give us strength during difficult moments.

When things got tough, we got into the habit of chanting:
“We are strong… we can do it…
We are strong… we can do it…”

When my son was learning the monkey bars, he kept falling.

To move forward, he needed to let go with one hand while hanging high above the ground. I knew he had the strength to do it, but he kept freezing and falling off.

So I became that mother. You know the one making a fool of herself while chanting:
“You are strong… You can do it!”

People were staring, but I didn’t care.

After falling a few more times, my son got frustrated and wanted to leave. But as we were walking away, something suddenly clicked.

“I know what I was doing wrong,” he said.

We immediately went back, and he crossed the monkey bars in one smooth pass.

This phrase, along with others like “We always find a solution” and “We never give up,” is a part of our everyday life.

Over time, these phrases seem to have gained a force of their own.
They give us both courage and strength when things feel difficult.

All he needed was to show him how to move forward despite the fear.

I hope these ideas help you support your child through fear.

If you have anything you would add to the list, I’d love to hear it in the comments.

You’ll find questions, worksheets, and story templates to help your child navigate fear in this premium post: A Practical Toolkit to Help Children Through Fear.

More about fear in these posts:

• Fear Is Part true, Part Distortion (understanding fear)

• A Practical Framework for Overcoming Fear (a framework for adults)

Children’s stories:

• Bobby The Bear And The Nighttime Whispers

• Banno and The Big Blue River, by Sheeba | This, Right Here

Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

In Fear Is Part True, Part Distortion, I shared my understanding of how fear works.

In this post, you’ll find a structured framework that guides you through overcoming fear, step by step.

➡️ First, you’ll understand what the fear is, where it comes from, and how it affects your choices.

➡️ Then, you’ll separate truth from distortion and explore the risks and tradeoffs of both failure and success.

➡️ From there, you’ll use everything you discovered to make an informed decision about how you want to move forward.

➡️ The framework ends with an action plan to implement your decision.

Now I’ll walk you through the framework using my fear of public speaking as an example. You’ll find the downloadable version in PDF form at the end of this article.

Speaking in public, doing Substack lives, and recording myself on video.

• As a child, I remember looking at videos of myself and judging myself.

• I became extremely anxious during school exams in high school, but in elementary I was very confident → I don’t remember why that changed

• My mother was very concerned about what other people thought of us.

• My father became angry easily, so I learned to keep most of my thoughts private.

Note:
You don’t need to remember every detail from your childhood for this framework to help.

Read more

In 2013, I was studying psychology at Panteion University in Athens.

During my fourth semester, we had to present a group research project in front of an audience.

I was prepared, and I knew the material well.

But the moment the presentation started, I panicked. My hands and voice were shaking. My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it would burst out of my chest. I felt nauseous and could barely think.

If I hadn’t practiced the presentation over and over beforehand, I probably would have lost my words completely.

We received the highest grade, but I walked away feeling humiliated and emotionally drained instead of empowered.

That intense fear of public speaking has stopped me from doing many things I wanted to do.

But until I understood how it works, it was impossible for me to overcome it.

Fear comes when we’re trying something new

Fear is a sign that we are moving beyond our comfort zone.

Growth, change, new experiences, and meaningful risks will always lead to fear because we’re entering unfamiliar territory and we need to pay attention.

But being aware of the risks and taking precautions is very different from stopping.

Fear is a mix of truth and distortion

Part of the fear exists to protect us from real danger.

But the rest exaggerates that danger and makes it feel bigger or more likely than it really is.

When I examine my fear of public speaking, it’s hard to find a danger that is both serious and probable.

Someone disliking my presentation. An aggressive response. People talking behind my back. Maybe getting a bad grade, although the professor had reassured us that our work was very good.

Most of these outcomes were either unlikely or not that devastating anyway.

Objectively analyzing the fear will separate the real risks from the outdated beliefs we can trace back to our childhood.

Protecting ourselves from real danger will keep us safe.
Letting go of outdated beliefs will allow us to move forward.

Both are necessary.

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Fear can’t really stop us

During that university presentation, even while panicking, I was still able to speak.
I completed the presentation despite the fear.

But I kept avoiding public speaking because I had decided the experience was too painful to repeat.

At the time, I believed that the fear had paralyzed me.

Now I understand that it was my decision to stop, even though it wasn’t a fully conscious one.

Fear doesn’t always come with intense physical symptoms.

Sometimes it looks like procrastination, delaying difficult decisions, or distracting ourselves instead of focusing on what needs to be done.

Other times, it’s even more subtle like pretending something doesn’t matter to avoid conflict. Or telling ourselves we don’t know what to do instead of taking the next step to figure it out.

Fear persists because it serves a purpose

I grew up believing that bad things happened whenever I spoke openly.

As a child, I had no control over the reactions of the adults around me. So I learned to stay quiet, hide myself, and avoid attention.

While one part of me wanted growth, visibility, and opportunity, another part still believed those things were dangerous.

When I acknowledged that part, the fear started to make sense.

My fear of public speaking is still there.

It’s still unfamiliar, and overcoming it requires repeated practice and building skills.

You’ll find a practical framework to analyze and overcome fear in this premium post:
A Practical Framework for Overcoming Fear

Helping children through fear:

What Children Need When They Feel Scared (free post)

A Practical Toolkit to Help Children Through Fear (premium post)

Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

Most of us learned to treat emotions as problems to avoid.

But over time, I’ve realized that emotions are powerful allies, as long as we learn how to decode their messages.

They reveal our deepest needs, desires, and the patterns that keep us stuck.

They also carry a powerful energy that pushes us out of stagnation so we can take action and improve our lives.

What will this series focus on?

Take anger as an example.

Children (and many adults) need to learn how to manage anger so it doesn’t turn into harmful behavior.

But anger also shows us where we need to become more effective in setting boundaries, communicating, or negotiating solutions where everybody wins.

As we become more empowered in our lives and relationships, we feel less trapped inside our anger.

In the Emotions Are Messages series, we’ll be working on three layers.

➡️Layer #1 — Working on ourselves

Whenever I experience strong emotions, I move through this process:

Allow → understand → decide & plan → act → review

I’ve created structures that help me move through these steps without getting stuck, whether that means suppressing emotions, overanalyzing, or avoiding action.

And when I use “we,” I do it intentionally.
I’m practicing this work every day myself.

➡️Layer #2 — Supporting our children

Everything we learn while working on ourselves also helps us support our children.

I’ll share practical tools and questions specifically designed for children.

I’ll also include stories that help children work through emotions, like fear, anger, and guilt, as well as templates and step-by-step guides to help you create your own stories if you’d like to.

➡️Layer #3 — The hidden patterns that keep us stuck

Each of us has emotional patterns that repeat automatically.
Sometimes it feels like no matter what we do, those patterns will never really change.

I think of them as programs installed in the mind.

Throughout this series, we’ll cover how to identify these patterns, why they were installed, and how we can change them.

Who is this series for?

This series is for parents who want to work on themselves and support their children through emotions.

The tools for children can be adapted across ages.

The stories I write, along with the templates and prompts for creating your own stories, are mainly designed with ages 3–6 in mind.

But storytelling itself is powerful at any age.

You can use personal experiences from your own life or childhood, your child’s everyday experiences, or stories about other people.

Books, movies, and even songs can also help children and teenagers reflect more deeply on emotions, relationships, and life, while creating opportunities for meaningful conversations.

Topics we’ll cover

📌 June — fear and anger
📌 July — jealousy, guilt, and shame
📌 August — presence and connection
📌 September — sadness, joy, freedom, and gratitude

Because many families are on vacation in August, the premium content that month will be structured as a light daily practice with one simple action step per day.

The goal is to help you create more presence and connection without adding pressure.

Publishing schedule

🎪 Mondays — free children’s stories
📰 Tuesdays — free subscriber posts
✍🏽 Thursdays — premium implementation content
🧑🏼‍🤝‍🧑🏻 Fridays — collaboration posts (when available)

The free posts will focus on understanding emotions and applying simple ideas in everyday life.

The premium content will focus on implementation:
step-by-step systems, frameworks, exercises, storytelling templates, and practical tools designed to help you create lasting change in your life and parenting.

Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

As a child, I never learned how to handle emotions.

My father never showed any emotion except anger.

I don’t think he ever admitted, even to himself, when he felt sadness, shame, or fear. Any difficult emotion quickly turned into anger or rage.

Although his actions showed that he loved us, he rarely expressed it through words.

Whenever I asked for advice about emotional struggles, he would say:
“You are very intelligent and perfectly capable of managing this.”

And that was it.

At the time, I thought he was supporting me. Now I can see that he didn’t have the answers himself. Encouragement was all he had to offer.

My mother was different.

She was affectionate and warm. But much of the time, she also seemed exhausted and disconnected from reality.

When I struggled emotionally, she often assumed I was too demanding in my relationships or somehow creating the conflict myself.

Very early on, I reached two conclusions:

Emotions are dangerous.
And no matter how much I struggle, I’m on my own.

Since emotions were a problem, the only solution I could imagine was not feeling them at all.

Some nights, I became overwhelmed by shame, fear, and despair. I felt certain my life would always be this way.

Sometimes it escalated into a full panic attack where I thought I couldn’t breathe.

I didn’t know how to handle any of it.

Over time, I discovered that I could create a feeling of safety and compassion inside myself, and that helped me fall asleep.

The next morning, I felt better.

The despair faded into the background, and I could function again.
Go back to school. Continue with everyday life as if nothing had happened.

Eventually, I developed a mantra:
“Everything is better after a night’s sleep.”

And that got me through childhood.

I believed only logic had value.

I saw my father as strong because he seemed guided by logic instead of emotion.
So I tried not to feel anything because I wanted to become strong like him.

Somehow, I completely missed the fact that anger is an emotion too.

I thought I had an anger management problem.

Everyone around me believed girls should be sweet, compliant, and agreeable.

They treated my normal childhood outbursts as a serious character flaw.

People said I was exactly like my father, and I believed them.

I became convinced I had an anger management problem, and that the solution was to completely stop feeling anger.

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By the time I reached adulthood, I had already decided that I shouldn’t feel anything.

Whenever an emotion came up, I pushed it down. I distracted myself with sleep, books, or video games. Exactly like I did in childhood.

But emotions don’t just disappear.

The sadness turned into depression. The fear became chronic anxiety, while the anger kept building underneath, waiting to explode in moments that didn’t justify that level of intensity.

And shame kept coming back in powerful waves that felt almost unbearable.

I became trapped in a cycle of avoidance, explosion, and distraction.

Over time, I started avoiding anything that pushed me outside my comfort zone.
I inadvertently suppressed my ability to feel joy, gratitude, and connection.

My life became predictable and emotionally flat.

And ironically, I still didn’t feel safe, because I was constantly afraid of the difficult emotions waiting beneath the surface, ready to come out with the slightest provocation.

It took me a long time to realize that emotions aren’t problems to avoid.

They are powerful messages that guide us to create the life we want.

Anger may show us where we need stronger limits.
Guilt may reveal that our actions no longer align with our values.
Depression may be telling us that we have outgrown old ways of living, and we are longing for something new.

Over the years, I’ve learned how to create safety even during overwhelming emotional experiences.

I’ve also created practical frameworks and step-by-step processes that help me decode the messages behind these emotions and use them to guide my actions going forward.

That’s what the Emotions Are Messages series will focus on.

You can explore the Emotions Are Messages series as well as the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

Imagine this scene.

I’m sitting on the couch scrolling through my phone, pretending to relax. Dinner is over, and my son is peacefully playing with his toys. The only thing left is to get him to bed.

And I already know what’s coming.

He’ll ignore me. I’ll wait a little longer before getting up and trying to sound firm and confident.

Then he’ll cry.

It will take forever to get him to bed, and he’ll keep getting up and coming back to the living room.

This happened almost every night for years.

So why did I keep avoiding it, even when it made bedtime harder for both of us?

At the time, whenever I felt drained, I would disconnect from everyone and disappear into a book or my phone. I had relied on that coping strategy for years, and I didn’t know how to respond differently.

Eventually, I discovered that the promise of a bedtime story would bring my son to bed easily.

So I kept telling him stories because it worked.

Over time, I realized that storytelling was also rewiring my own nervous system.

#1 Storytelling forced me to stay present

When I read stories, my mind can still wander, even while my eyes are on the page.

Making up stories required my full attention.

Everything was happening in real time. I had to combine my ideas with my son’s requests while also deciding what would happen next.

Storytelling became a mindfulness practice that pulled me out of that disconnected state and back into the present.

#2 Choosing connection made me feel stronger

When I focused on everything I had already done that day and how unfair it felt to give even more, my only solution was to shut down.

But when I started prioritizing my son’s need for connection, my perspective changed.

I stopped feeling that connection was forced upon me. It became a choice I was making intentionally.

I felt stronger, more capable, and I no longer needed to withdraw.

#3 Connection and laughter regulated both of us

I quickly discovered what made my son laugh:
The voices. The expressions. The silly little details.

Once I knew, I kept using them.

Sometimes my son became so excited that he jumped on the bed laughing.

That playfulness and connection, repeated night after night, changed our evenings. Bedtime became a time for closeness, laughter, and safety instead of a battlefield.

Most nights, it felt calm, safe, and cozy.

#4 Storytelling brought me into a flow state

My first stories felt clumsy because I wasn’t used to improvising.

But after a few days, I became fully engaged and lost track of time.

As a child, I used to enter this kind of flow state easily.

Storytelling reminded me how good it feels to be fully absorbed in something.
It helped me reconnect with a part of myself I hadn’t experienced in a long time.

#5 Repeating this every night made me stronger

I always struggled with consistency.

I would feel excited about something, stay motivated for a few days, and then eventually feel overwhelmed and give up.

At first, I kept telling stories because I didn’t want to go back to the crying.

Some nights, I only managed a few sentences, which my son graciously accepted because he trusted there would be a “real” story the next day.

But over time, I realized I was stronger than my nervous system’s automatic responses.

I could unlearn a pattern that once protected me in childhood but no longer served me as an adult.

Choosing storytelling, laughter, and connection every night healed my nervous system.

Today, I don’t feel the need to escape difficult emotions.
When I’m struggling, I ask for support.
When I feel lonely, I ask for hugs.

I no longer isolate myself because, now, connection feels safe.

Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

When my son was in preschool, I bought a series of children’s books by Cornelia Maude Spelman to help him learn about emotions.

In her book about anger, I came across this sentence:

“Wanting to do something is not the same as really doing it.”

I was 45 years old.

And somehow, until that moment, I hadn’t fully grasped that feeling angry and losing control were two separate things.

I grew up with a father who couldn’t control his anger and a mother who never showed anger at all, even in situations where it would have made sense.

I thought anger was dangerous, uncontrollable, and best avoided completely.

I had read countless scientific theories and approaches, but this book just offered a few simple strategies:

• Accept what you can’t change

• Ask for help

• Negotiate

• Set limits

• Walk away and calm down before reacting

The book was aimed at young children, and yet it gave me clarity in a way academic language never had.

Over the years, I realized that children’s stories do far more than entertain.

#1 Stories Help Children Process Emotions

But stories don’t just talk about emotions. They show.

In Lela and the Silly Shadow Show, Mama Elephant explains that shadows are just familiar things that look different in the dark. She also demonstrates this when the “scary shadow” turns out to be Lela’s stuffed mouse.

Stories allow children to explore difficult emotions in a safe way, almost like a real-life experience without the pressure of living through it themselves.

They also help children understand that other children feel the same way.

#2 Stories Present Solutions to Challenges

Good children’s stories don’t just have a happy ending, but also explore how it’s achieved.

Take Cinderella as an example.

Many versions focus on her being rewarded for her kindness and humility. But another way to understand the story is through her courage. She chooses to go to the ball despite the risk of punishment if she is discovered.

In strong children’s stories, the resolution comes because the character grows, takes action, and finds a way through the challenge.

In Jojo and the Night Wizzy Lost His Helpers, Jojo feels overwhelmed by his messy room, so he invites his friends to find a solution together.

In Fred the Frog Helps at the Picnic Table, Fred is too short to reach the picnic table, but he’s determined to participate and eventually finds a way.

#3 Stories Make Values Feel Real

As parents, we do our best to teach our children our values:
Courage, compassion, responsibility, friendship, perseverance.

But talking about values doesn’t explain how to apply them in real life.

A story can bridge this gap.

A story about a little bunny making a mistake and later making amends teaches responsibility far more effectively than forcing a child to apologise before they’re ready.

In Nico and the Snack That Was Different, Nico demonstrates his generosity in action by sharing his snack with a hungry classmate.

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#4 Stories Teach the Parent Too

As a young mother, I had a major blind spot around anger, and I will always feel grateful to Cornelia Maude Spelman for helping me see it more clearly.

When I wrote Bobby and the Nighttime Whispers, I wanted to remind parents that children need reassurance and safety before they can relax and fall asleep.

I could have used that reminder myself when I believed my son was resisting sleep on purpose.

So that’s what I focus on when choosing children’s books or writing stories for children.

And if you enjoy making up stories for your child, maybe this gives you a few ideas about what you can include.

Is there anything you would add to this list?
I’d love to hear.

Leave a comment

Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

This challenge shows you how to use storytelling to create calmer, more connected evenings.

Each day includes one action step that takes around 10–15 minutes.

You’ll learn how to move from reading stories to telling them in your own words, adding small details, and eventually creating your own.

The goal isn’t to perform or tell perfect stories.

The goal is to help your child feel safe, connected, and relaxed before sleep.

I also included prompts and ideas to make storytelling easier, even if you’ve never done it before.

Day 1: From resistance to connection in just 15 minutes a day

Day 2: Bedtime resistance isn’t defiance

Day 3: A calmer space helps children settle more easily at night

Day 4: Telling a story is different than reading

Day 5: Telling a story creates a deeper connection

Day 6: When stories are flexible, children join in

Day 7: A surprisingly simple way to come up with story ideas

Day 8: Turning everyday challenges into stories

Day 9: Turn one story into an endless stream of bedtime stories

Day 10: What changed at bedtime for you and your child

Share your story ideas and ask questions in the chat.

Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

You can understand exactly what needs to change and still stay stuck.

For the past fifteen years, I’ve been immersed in self-development and healing. I explored various frameworks and techniques. I was a good student, and I did everything I was supposed to do.

And still, I found myself repeating the same patterns.

It’s not that those frameworks and techniques weren’t good. They worked well for many people.

But I assumed I needed complete clarity before taking action.

I focused on learning the concepts and uncovering the hidden parts of myself. The childhood experiences, the limiting beliefs, the patterns I kept repeating.

I stayed inside my comfort zone.

And nothing changed.

Now I see change as a cycle.

Even a small amount of understanding is enough to take one step forward. That action creates more clarity, which leads to more action. And then again.

This is even more important today.

There is so much knowledge available to us. Anything we want to learn, we can find online. Videos, articles, podcasts, artificial intelligence. The content is out there.

Much of it is even free.

But when it comes to taking action, that’s where many people get stuck.

Taking action alone is hard.

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So I started thinking about how to make this easier for parents.

I don’t just want to share ideas or spark conversation. I want to focus on small daily actions that compound over time and create real results.

I want us to transform the way we show up for our children.

That’s why I created the Storytelling Challenge for Calmer Bedtimes

The purpose of the challenge is to help you:
Use storytelling consistently in the evenings to help your child relax and feel safe before sleep.

You’ll start from reading stories to telling them in your own words, adding small details, and eventually creating your own.

I also included prompts and ideas so storytelling feels easier and more natural, even if you’ve never done it before.

The challenge posts are all here.

You can also subscribe below to receive the printable workbook and storybook.

Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

I learned the importance of strong values from my father.

Courage, honesty, integrity, protecting those who depended on him.
As a child, I tried to live up to them. Partly because he was strict, but mostly because I was inspired to become the best version of myself.

Over time, I disagreed with my father on many things, including how he lived those values. Still, his influence led me to be intentional about how I live.

When my son was born, I knew the kind of parent I wanted to be.
Compassionate, patient, and deeply connected.

I quickly realized that wasn’t enough. I needed firm limits too. But I associated discipline with pain, so I didn’t know how to combine limits with compassion.

Today, I can do this. But I also know that anything I do will need to evolve in a few months. I guess that’s the nature of parenting...

These are the values guiding me right now, in this phase of my parenting.

Value #1: Connection comes first, teaching later

When my son feels close to me, he accepts my guidance.

Even when he disagrees with my boundaries, he works with me instead of resisting. That makes everything easier.

This is how I build connection:

Daily time together

We read, draw, talk, or walk outside. We spend a few minutes meditating together before bed.

Connection during difficult moments

When my son feels overwhelmed or angry, I connect first. I let him express himself fully. I ask questions and look for the root cause instead of reacting to the behavior.

Teaching and limits come after he calms down. Sometimes he finds his own solution before I even say a word.

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Value #2: Firm limits with kindness and respect

Boundaries help my son feel safe.

Deep down, he knows he’s not ready to make every decision on his own. Of course, that doesn’t stop him from pushing against them, and I still find that challenging at times.

As a child, I experienced harsh discipline and yelling. Being firm while staying warm and connected was not something I knew how to do. I had to learn it over time.

Whenever I’m tired or disconnected, my son brings me back by asking: “Why are you saying it like that?”

He doesn’t have to accept disrespectful behavior from anyone. Not even me.

Value #3: Focus on growth and mastery

My parents praised my intelligence because I loved math and did well at school.

But they also described me as “not a social person” because I spent so much time reading alone. They framed it as if this is who I was, and they never showed me how to improve.

If I couldn’t change, trying felt pointless.

So I began to hide my struggles. I looked confident on the outside, maybe even arrogant at times.
Inside, I always felt anxious and unsure. I avoided risks and turned down opportunities because I believed I would fail.

It’s taken me years to understand and change this pattern.

With my son, I focus on building the skills he needs.

1. When he struggles, I remind him that he can choose to improve.

2. We talk about what this improvement looks like.

3. We identify the skills he needs and build a plan.

4. I help him stay consistent.

Value #4: I lead by example

My son doesn’t just learn from what I say.

He learns just as much (maybe even more) from what I do. So when he struggles, I pause and look at myself first.

Does he need clearer boundaries?
Am I modeling what I expect from him?
Am I using his behavior as an excuse in my own life?

It’s easy to believe it’s just him.

But every time I take an honest look at myself, I see I’m more involved than I want to admit.

One thing you can do today.

Think about your parenting values.

Then choose one small action that aligns with them.

It doesn’t have to be big or complicated.
It can be something simple, like spending ten minutes a day doing something you both enjoy, or inviting your child to join you in what you’re doing. Or maybe taking a breath before reacting to what your child is doing.

Write that down and keep it somewhere visible.

Commit to it for a week.

If you try this, I’d love to hear how it goes.

It’s been three months since I started writing on Substack.
I’m not sure that qualifies as an anniversary, but I’ve decided to make it one anyway.

Here’s what I learned about myself during these three months.

I can be consistent
Sometimes I find it hard to write.
In the past, I assumed that writing felt hard because I was afraid of hard work, or because I lacked self-discipline. Or maybe I just wasn’t really a blogger.

During these past three months, I committed to having my content plan ready at the beginning of each month and publishing my articles, no matter what.

Some articles were hard. Sometimes I came dangerously close to quitting. But I renewed my decision to keep going, again and again.

What used to stop me wasn’t the fear, but my decision to let it guide my choices.

I can be social

I spent most of my life believing I wasn’t a social person.
I preferred introverted activities, and I assumed I just wasn’t good at connecting with others.

Being on Substack challenged me. Writing here doesn’t stay private, it turns into conversations, feedback, and connection.

In the beginning, I felt very uncomfortable joining these conversations. I only pushed through because I wanted the growth and the engagement.

But after a while, I started to enjoy those moments of connection. I’m no longer doing this because it helps my writing. I am genuinely enjoying interacting with people.

And that was completely unexpected.

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I can (and give myself permission to) share what I know

I used to think no one was interested in what I had to say.

For years, I tried to explain my ideas to friends and family. Sometimes they interrupted me. Other times they listened patiently, but I could tell they weren’t really engaged.

On the worst days, I assumed I was inherently boring. Other times, I thought it was just my inability to explain things clearly.

My explanations always focused on something that was wrong with me. I never stopped to consider that they might just have different interests.

Substack gave me the opportunity to connect with people who share the same values and are passionate about the same things.

Now I focus on the people who are interested. I do my best to improve my writing for their sake, to get to the point faster, with more clarity, and to provide actionable advice that has a positive impact on their lives.

I no longer feel the need to write (or speak) in a way that appeals to everyone.

How I will use this in my parenting

My most important change during these months is in the way I see myself.
I used to think my personality was fixed. That certain qualities were simply out of my reach. So I used to give up easily, at the first sign of difficulty.

These three months showed me that success isn’t reserved for a few lucky people. It’s available to all of us as long as we take an honest look at ourselves and work on what needs to change.

This isn’t a one-time decision. It’s a choice I will need to make again and again, especially when things feel hard.

That’s the perspective I want to pass on to my son.

One thing you can do today

When you find yourself thinking that something is out of reach, pause and ask:

What is one step I can take that brings me closer to the result I want?

It might be a skill to develop, something to learn, or one small action you can take, even if you don’t feel ready.

Start there.

Things may look very different after that.

If you’ve been reading, commenting, or subscribing, thank you.

I truly appreciate it.

Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

What if meals become an opportunity to connect, instead of just another task to complete?

Articles In This Series

• Why Feeding a Family Feels So Overwhelming

• The Steps Behind Every Family Meal

• Three Simple Ways to Involve Children in the Kitchen

• How to Turn Mealtimes Into Moments of Connection

Children’s Stories In This Series

• Fred the Frog Helps at the Picnic Table (ages 3-4)

• Nico and the Snack That Was Different (ages 5-6)

Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

I didn’t like eating with my parents as a child.

It was stressful, so I did whatever I could to avoid it. Although I felt lonely sitting on my own, I still preferred the peace.

My husband’s family, on the other hand, loved gathering around the table. They were loud, present, and sharing a meal with them felt easy and fun.

I promised myself to always follow their example.

But it wasn’t as simple as I thought.

Sometimes my husband and I get carried away talking about “grown-up things,” and our son eventually gets bored and leaves.

After all that effort—shopping, cooking, cleaning—shouldn’t the meal itself feel good too?


So I started asking myself what would help us feel more connected when we sit down at the table.

#1 — Being present

To connect, we need to be present and pay attention.

My mind drifts easily, even after years of meditation practice. Sometimes I get so absorbed in something I’m creating that sitting down to talk feels like a distraction.

When that happens, I take a moment to appreciate the food and the effort it took to prepare it.

It helps me shift my attention back to my family and remember that everything else can wait.

#2 Everyone participates

Some children talk about their day with ease, while others find it hard to open up.

My son usually answers questions like “How was school?” with “fine,” “good,” or “okay.” When I ask more, I get more of the same.

When he’s not in the mood to answer, I share something from my day. I like talking about a difficulty I’m having and asking for his input. That usually gets him talking.

Another way to get him engaged is through his favorite video games. I try to steer the conversation by asking about his choices, ideas, and what he’s learning. That’s what makes it interesting for me, too.

I’ve learned so much about him while eating. Things I would have missed if we didn’t have this time together every day.

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#3 Relaxed atmosphere

Sometimes we get so focused on doing things “the right way” that we forget to relax.
Correcting our children’s table manners, what they eat, or what they say creates pressure.

As a child, I longed for a relaxed, happy atmosphere where I felt safe enough to talk.
Now I remind myself what makes that possible: the freedom to speak without being rushed or corrected.

That’s the feeling I try to create for my son.

One thing you can do today

While your child is eating, give them your full attention.

Start a pleasant conversation.

• You can ask about their day. What was interesting or funny, what they learned, what made them feel proud.

• If they don’t want to share, talk about your own day or ask how they would solve a small problem. You might be surprised by how creative they can be.

• You can also talk about the food. Ask what your child liked or didn’t like, and what you might change next time.

You don’t need the whole family to sit down together to do this.

For many families, mine included, meals feel like a task we want to check off our list.

But they can be much more than that.

They can create closeness and meaningful memories.

These moments can easily get lost in the hustle of everyday life.

That’s why I remind myself to create more of them intentionally.

Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

Last year, my son had a friend over every Tuesday after football practice. We had lunch together before taking the boys to school.

One day, I told them they needed to prepare their school snacks on their own. I asked them to take a few things from the fridge, gave them two bags, and let them figure out the rest.

What started as a way to take a small task off my plate quickly became something creative for them.

I listened as they debated which cheese was best and how much butter was “just right.” They passed ingredients back and forth and experimented with small changes to their sandwiches each week.

One day, the bag tore, and the sandwich landed on the floor. We all laughed.

I cherish these moments. My son is an only child, and experiences like this give him the chance to cooperate and have fun with someone his age.

Children learn a lot by participating in everyday tasks, and preparing food is one of the easiest places to start.

Here are three simple ways to involve children in meal preparation.

1. Plan and prepare one meal or recipe together

Invite your child to choose one recipe or even a full family meal once a week.

Look for ideas together in cookbooks or online. Write down the ingredients, go shopping together, and prepare the meal as a team.

This allows children to make decisions and to feel responsible for something important. They are not just helping. They are contributing to the family.

They also learn how the whole process works. Planning, shopping, preparing, and finally enjoying the meal together.

Make it as simple or as elaborate as you like.

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2. Involve children in setting the table and cleaning up

Even very young children can help set the table.

Place everything they need within reach so they can access it easily. It may feel awkward at first, especially if they have never done it before. But after a little practice, it will become natural.

Younger children may even see it as a privilege to be trusted with this task.

I started a little late, and at first my son saw it as a burden.

“Why should I do it?” he asked.

He got used to it after a few days of practice.

Children can also participate in cleaning up after a meal. Just a few minutes of team work will leave the kitchen clean and ready for the next meal.

Keep your expectations realistic. If your three-year-old puts the salt on the wrong shelf, that’s what success looks like.

Make it enjoyable. Laugh, have fun, and they will probably want to keep helping.


To support this practice, you can read Fred the Frog Helps at the Picnic Table with your child.
In this story, everyone works together to prepare for the spring picnic. Fred is too small to reach the table at first, but after a few tries, he finds his own way to help and feels proud of his contribution.

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3. Let children prepare something on their own

When I first asked the boys to prepare their snacks, I didn’t fully understand the importance of letting them make their own choices.

I’ve never seen myself as someone who needs to control what my son does. I’ve always been patient when he plays or draws independently, stepping in only when he asks for help.

But somehow I hadn’t applied the same approach to cooking. We sometimes made complicated desserts together, but I had never asked him to prepare something completely on his own.

Now we do this almost every day. For example, I showed him how to make rice and then let him take responsibility for it. He sets an alarm and calls me only if he needs help.

He can do so much more than I previously thought.

What Children Gain from Helping in the Kitchen

When children participate in meal preparation, they learn how to cook, a skill they will use throughout their lives.

But they gain much more than that. They practice making decisions and develop responsibility, independence, and confidence. They feel included.

They also begin to appreciate the effort behind everyday household tasks and want to help out.

Preparing food is a creative activity where children experiment with flavors and ideas. It may open the door to trying new foods and cuisines without any pressure.

At this point, you may have a concern, and it might be a big one.

Why would I want to add to my workload by involving my child?

Teaching, supervising, keeping them safe, and handling complaints along the way will probably not make things faster.

And I understand that.

But my point is not that involving your children will immediately make your work easier.

My point is that it might transform a task you are struggling with into an opportunity to share something meaningful with your child.

Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.

Preparing food doesn’t start with cooking.

Sometimes I find myself standing in front of the fridge with no time and no idea what to make.

It’s tempting to blame this on being busy. But the truth is that this only happens when I neglect everything that comes before cooking. Like planning what to eat, making sure I have the ingredients, and keeping the kitchen clean and organized.

That’s when cooking starts to feel stressful and rushed.

Preparing meals is actually a process made up of several small steps.

Here are the most important ones, along with the common mistakes that make them harder than they need to be.

1. Decide what kind of nutrition you want

Common mistakes: Not being clear about the kind of nutrition you want, or trying to enforce a big change without taking the time to help your children adjust and understand.

Possible solutions: Take some time to decide about what you want to eat more of, what you prefer to avoid, and whether these choices work for everyone in your family.

If your child is hesitant to try new foods, games, small adventures, and stories can help them approach unfamiliar things with more curiosity.

In Nico and the Snack That Was Different (ages 5-6), the children at school initially think Nico’s snack is strange. Over time, their curiosity grows, and some decide to try it.

2. Plan what you’re going to eat

Common mistake: Reacting at the last minute to whatever ingredients you already have or are missing.

Possible solutions: Plan a few meals in advance. You can decide what you will cook tomorrow, next week, or just the meals that are more demanding. Even a simple plan makes shopping and cooking much easier.

3. Create a simple system for shopping

Common mistake: Shopping without a system, buying things you don’t need, and forgetting the things you do need.

Possible solution: Write down what you need. You can do this while planning meals or whenever you notice something missing.

This is one of the main challenges in my family. My husband is very particular about the things he buys, so it’s not unusual for him to visit several supermarkets during the week.

It’s also not unusual for us to forget to write things down, for him to forget the list, or — strangely enough — to forget to buy a few things even when he remembers to take the list.

For that, I currently have no solution. If you have one, please share it in the comments.

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4. Make cooking easier with preparation

Common mistakes: Preparing every meal completely from scratch, or struggling to find something to cook at the last minute.

Possible solutions: You can prepare some things in batches. Wash and cut vegetables for a few days. Make extra sauce, cook a few extra portions, or even prepare a full meal in advance and freeze it.

For me, cooking lunch is easy, but I don’t enjoy cooking later in the evening. Preparing dinner in advance allows me to cook when it works for me rather than struggling when I’m tired.

5. Turn setting the table into a shared task

Common mistake: Setting the table and serving the food may seem like a small task, but when you’re pressed for time, even small steps can feel like too much.

Possible solutions: This is one of the best opportunities to involve children. Depending on their age, there are many things they can do. You can make this easier by placing the items they need within reach or adding a small stool so they can reach them independently.

When I first asked my son to do this, I admit I was mostly hoping for a little extra help. He didn’t cooperate at first, but then he started looking for creative ways to make the table more attractive.

It also gives us a few minutes to talk while I finish cooking.

You can also introduce the idea of helping set the table through stories like Fred the Frog Helps at the Picnic Table (ages 3-4)

6. Slow down and enjoy the meal

Common mistakes: Rushing through the meal, creating pressure around food, or not taking the time to eat together as a family.

Possible solutions: Enjoying meals together as a family can feel like a luxury. If you can do it once a day — or even a few times a week — it becomes a moment to connect, share experiences, and talk about your day.

If eating together isn’t possible, you can still sit with your child while they eat.

In my family, we usually share lunch together.

7. Clean up together so the next meal starts easier

Common mistakes: Postponing cleanup until the next meal, or leaving one person to deal with the mess while everyone else hurries off to relax.

Possible solutions: When everyone grabs something and puts it away, cleanup becomes a shared family activity. It doesn’t take long, and the next meal begins in a clean kitchen.

Cleaning the kitchen is my least favorite step. After putting in all the effort to cook, it’s frustrating to see the kitchen looking even worse than before.

When my family helps, the work goes quickly, and I’m not stuck doing it alone.

One thing to do today

Think about these steps and ask yourself:

Am I making things more complicated than they need to be?
Which step might I be missing?
Which step could I improve?

If you’re not happy with the results you’re getting, focus your time and energy on improving the step that needs the most attention.

In the next part of this series, I’ll talk about how and where to involve children.

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