Bedtime resistance feels personal.
When your child pushes back the moment you ask them to slow down, it’s easy to assume they’re testing limits or trying to get the last bit of control out of the day.
I felt that way for years.
My son always became more energetic as the evening progressed. He hid behind his toys, as if that would make me forget him. He refused to go to the bedroom.
I thought he was being difficult.
One night, after another round of back-and-forth, I stopped arguing.
I got into bed with him, and he pressed against me. He relaxed. I closed my eyes and did my evening meditation while waiting for him to fall asleep.
Bedtime had never felt that easy.
Years later, he told me what it felt like to him.
He said that when I lay there quietly, he imagined I was creating a protective force field around us that kept the monsters out.
I didn’t even know he was afraid of monsters.
From where I stand today, I can understand that my son wasn’t trying to make bedtime harder.
He only wanted to feel safe enough to let go.
“I don’t want to be alone yet.”
Many children push back at bedtime because they are afraid of separation.
They hide, they delay, they suddenly “need” something.
They need reassurance that they are safe and we are there for them.
“I feel something I can’t put into words.”
Children may not understand don’t always understand or talk about their feelings.
So they show them through their behavior.
They need our support to process the events of the day, and sometimes that comes up at night.
“I need your help to settle.”
Children can’t regulate their nervous system on their own.
They rely on our presence to help them relax. When we sit close, slow our breathing, hug them, their nervous system relaxes.
Falling asleep is easier after that.
One small thing you can try tonight
Tonight, focus on connection before saying it’s time for bed.
Sit close to your child, look them in the eyes, hug them. Give them a few minutes to enjoy your presence.
One moment of connection makes bedtime easier.
In the next part of this series, I’ll show you how I used storytelling to help my son go to bed easily, instead of fighting him every step of the way.
Explore the full library of articles, stories, and parenting resources here.
