I loved how you weaved in your story into the topic of fear.
It reminds me a lot of my own experience with my son being afraid of swimming.
He was crying when he had to do swimming lessons, and me pushing him did not help. I needed to understand the underlying issue, connect with him, and guide him through it more. I should have done better.
Thank you for being so vulnerable in sharing your story.
When my son was two, I wanted him to be more open to other people. Instead of taking the time to understand and guide, I was pressuring and complaining. You can probably guess the result :(
When I realized I was doing exactly what my parents did to me, it was a humbling experience.
I had to undo everything by telling him I made a mistake, explaining exactly what the mistake was, etc.
Turns out, he didn’t even need my help. He was (and is) handling everything much better than I would have.
I guess we’re all learning as we move through life.
But I also realized that we can correct our previous mistakes and do better.
So many great moments of inspirations in this article. I am in the middle of helping my older teen overcome his social anxiety. He is receiving an award from school but he doesn’t want to attend and have all eyes on him. He’s struggled with anxiety most of his life and while I wish he can find the courage, I also understand he may need more time and practice. I will definitely put into practice some of these tips and maybe he will feel comfortable and brave enough to go.
I’m still not very comfortable with people I don’t know or with large groups.
For myself here’s what I do: separate true danger from exaggerated fear, identify the skills I need, and then develop them in small steps so I can gradually build confidence.
I’ve also had to accept that the feeling and the physical symptoms of fear will not go away. But I can still choose to move forward anyway.
And with social anxiety specifically, it also helps me to choose consciously, again and again, not to make other people’s opinions my main priority.
I’m not going to pretend I don’t care yet, but at least now I can choose to prioritize my future and my dreams over what other people may think about me.
What I wish my parents had done when I was a child was continue encouraging me to move forward while also giving me understanding and strategies (like breaking in small parts, reframing, talking about true danger vs exaggerated fear, prioritizing my goals, etc.).
This is so beautiful. Removing the scaffolding bit by bit. When my 6 year old was learning to swim, I tried to do that from the pool side, because I didn't know how to swim myself. I was standing there and telling him you can do like this and that 😂.
Later on when I joined to learn he was the one encouraging me.
The other part I loved is the making a repeatable phrase. I am going to do that. I can see the power that it holds ♥️
This is so inspiring! Such a beautiful reflection. Beautifully written, Debbie. I’m saving all the tips!
Thank you Bruna ❤️
I loved how you weaved in your story into the topic of fear.
It reminds me a lot of my own experience with my son being afraid of swimming.
He was crying when he had to do swimming lessons, and me pushing him did not help. I needed to understand the underlying issue, connect with him, and guide him through it more. I should have done better.
Thank you for being so vulnerable in sharing your story.
When my son was two, I wanted him to be more open to other people. Instead of taking the time to understand and guide, I was pressuring and complaining. You can probably guess the result :(
When I realized I was doing exactly what my parents did to me, it was a humbling experience.
I had to undo everything by telling him I made a mistake, explaining exactly what the mistake was, etc.
Turns out, he didn’t even need my help. He was (and is) handling everything much better than I would have.
I guess we’re all learning as we move through life.
But I also realized that we can correct our previous mistakes and do better.
Thank you for sharing your experience.❤️
So many great moments of inspirations in this article. I am in the middle of helping my older teen overcome his social anxiety. He is receiving an award from school but he doesn’t want to attend and have all eyes on him. He’s struggled with anxiety most of his life and while I wish he can find the courage, I also understand he may need more time and practice. I will definitely put into practice some of these tips and maybe he will feel comfortable and brave enough to go.
I’ve struggled with social anxiety all my life.
I’m still not very comfortable with people I don’t know or with large groups.
For myself here’s what I do: separate true danger from exaggerated fear, identify the skills I need, and then develop them in small steps so I can gradually build confidence.
I’ve also had to accept that the feeling and the physical symptoms of fear will not go away. But I can still choose to move forward anyway.
And with social anxiety specifically, it also helps me to choose consciously, again and again, not to make other people’s opinions my main priority.
I’m not going to pretend I don’t care yet, but at least now I can choose to prioritize my future and my dreams over what other people may think about me.
What I wish my parents had done when I was a child was continue encouraging me to move forward while also giving me understanding and strategies (like breaking in small parts, reframing, talking about true danger vs exaggerated fear, prioritizing my goals, etc.).
Your son is lucky to have your support ❤️
This is such wise advice from your lived experience. 🙏 I appreciate your support.
This is so beautiful. Removing the scaffolding bit by bit. When my 6 year old was learning to swim, I tried to do that from the pool side, because I didn't know how to swim myself. I was standing there and telling him you can do like this and that 😂.
Later on when I joined to learn he was the one encouraging me.
The other part I loved is the making a repeatable phrase. I am going to do that. I can see the power that it holds ♥️
Sometimes parenting means teaching something you don’t know yourself.
You start teaching while also trying to learn yourself.
And somewhere along the way, your child also becomes your teacher.
By the end, no one really knows who taught whom.
And maybe there’s a deeper part of us that already knew everything.
(Okay, I’m clearly in a philosophical mood today. 😄)
'Removing the scaffolding bit by bit' is the perfect way to describe overcoming fear 👏
I wish I knew this option a couple of decades ago 😂
But every time someone talked about overcoming fear I just stopped listening.